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MAKINGWAVES
PINNED
There was a day when I felt like LIFE was breaking me, emotionally, mentally & physically. I had to pay the bills and so I wake everyday, scrounging for the hope & energy to just survive the day ahead.
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Then there was a day when I found myself struggling to do even that.
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When the day arrived when I found myself struggling to find a reason to go on any longer, I knew I needed help.
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Humans have repeatedly let me down; many of the people who 'should' have cared for me, had shown themselves to be selfish; and I when I needed someone the most I was alone.
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I was surrounded by people, but felt so lonely,
I was smiling & social, but cried myself to sleep,
I encouraged anyone that needed it, but hated everything about myself,
I worked hard for approval of my family & friends, but always felt like a disappointment.
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Every betrayal was evidence that I was worthless & every failure was proof that I was a disappointment. Every criticism & harsh word became my truth.
As a young adult, I had accomplished a lot but still felt unfulfilled. Every day felt pointless and utterly empty. I either felt numb or like an exposed nerve. I regularly looked for potential 'way's out'.​
In my adult journey, my body began to fail; Insomnia, nausea & vomiting, bloody stool, migraines, dizzy spells, constant illnesses & colds, weight gain, skin rashes, etc... So I spoke to my family doctor.
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This is when I received a diagnosis for Major Depressive Disorder, ADD, Social Anxiety and CPTSD & PTSD...
... resulting in a weekend immune system, inflamed bowels/IBS, and a liver in decline
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Living undiagnosed, for so many years, caused intense physical and emotional trauma. Once being diagnosed, I was able to better understand my differences, my gifts, my traumas and the things that shaped me; this was when I was truly able to find some healing.
This holistic approach is taken by most aboriginal & indigenous communities.
This diagram is found in the Cree nations, healing circle programs.
There is a priority in including 3 specific groups in an individuals life;
- THEM SELVES, since many people don't feel heard, but also Family & community. This approach pulls the individual into a safe place, out of isolation, and surrounds them with people who will help them with their healing & journey, ultimately touching the need to feel loved.
Look at the progression of the circles, starting from the outside, we can see how the approach to human need, is almost identical to Maslow's Hierarchy. As we start outside we see the physical needs that need to be met, then the basics required to feel safe in modern society. Then it touches on the needs for belonging & purpose. This is where the models begin to differ; and in my experience, this approach is more practical and more accurate to the way we, as humans, function.
In the Aboriginal model, the outer circles hold & surround the “self”. And when the individual gets to a place in their journey when they must address “SELF” they are foundational supported & have people that they can rely on as they tackle their next growth challenges.
This is the stage where the individual must look inward & begin healing some of their traumas, & unbalances; specifically in their MIND, BODY, SPIRIT & Emotions. This is HARD WORK. This is when the individual begins to unravel & heal from traumas, dogma, programming, and generational curses.
This approach wraps up the top 5 tiers of Maslows Triangle; from the green layer to the top.
All 5 of these goals can be faced, tackled & healed inside this idigenous healing model.
Humans have repeatedly let me down; many of the people who 'should' have cared for me, have shown themselves to be selfish; and I when I needed someone the most I was alone.
All I needed was support & reassurance from the people who I valued; family, boyfriends, friends, teachers & mentors.
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When I showed signs of depression as a young child, it was met with home remedies, excuses and reasons why 'depressed' was not a label for me.
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When I explored my symptoms as a young person, I faced questions from family & mentors, questioning my 'relationship with God'; since a 'good Christian' shouldn't have hopelessness.
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I was surrounded by people, but felt so lonely
I was smiling & social, but cried myself to sleep
I encouraged anyone that needed it, but hated everything about myself
I worked hard for approval of my family & friends, but always felt like a disappointment.
​
Every betrayal was evidence that I was worthless & every failure was proof that I was I disappointment. Every criticism & harsh word became my truth.
As a young adult, I had accomplished a lot but still felt unfulfilled. Every day felt pointless and utterly empty. I either felt numb or like an exposed nerve. I regularly looked for potential 'way's out'.
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It was during this time in my life, when the Universe stepped in and intervened. When I didn't think that my life was valuable enough to live for, I was given another reason to stay alive.
In my adult journey, I found myself accomplishing life goals (high paying job, healthy baby, homeownership, income property...) but I still felt like a live wire or wished to numb the pain; and now my body began to fail. Insomnia, nausea & vomiting, bloody stool, migraines, dizzy spells, constant colds, weight gain, skin rashes, etc... So I spoke to my family doctor.
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After a year of tests, there was a consensus that my immune system had weakened and my stomach & intestines were inflamed, but there were no major results that could explain my physical symptoms, so the doctor prescribed some psychiatric assessments.
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This is when I received a diagnosis for Major Depressive Disorder, ADD, Social Anxiety and CPTSD & PTSD.
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Living undiagnosed, for so many years, caused intense physical and emotional trauma. Once being diagnosed, I was able to better understand my differnces. I was allowed to explain my struggles, release the guilt & blame that had been assigned to me and finally stop taking responsibility for things that didn't really concern me.
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My diagnosis allowed me to seek treatment, begin healing, find help and start correcting my internal narrative.
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